New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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