he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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