The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think i got beer on your cat.
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