Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
