The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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