he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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