I think my vagina is haunted
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
