You're so nebulous sometimes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
