So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
People in love make me want to vomit
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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