OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
