that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
