My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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