what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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