I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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