I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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