u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
