I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
