He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
