I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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