Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
