I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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