I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
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Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
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If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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