I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she peed on how many people?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
