when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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