you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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