you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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