You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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