new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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