thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
