Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
