yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
