Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
