then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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