I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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