im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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