Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
