So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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