i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
