i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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