a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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