me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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