yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
