im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
