He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
