yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
