i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
