Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
