Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
