he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
