from now on my penis is your penis
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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