well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
