Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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