don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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