this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
