i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
