I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
