just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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