I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize