My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
