Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
