I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize