Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This baby is an asshole
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Randomize
