Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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