That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
