Nicole vs. Life
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize