how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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